Not Okay
by ATmyPC
Summary: Post s8 finale. How do the doctors of Seattle Grace deal with the aftermath of the crash and how they cope with the death of one of their own. Will the crash tear them apart or will it bring them together as both the doctors and family we know and love?
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Okay so I don't really write fan fictions but I guess after the season 8 finale I had to make an exception to make not only myself have some closure but other people like me who are also in mourning have some.

TAKE NOTE: This isn't only going to be centered with Mark and his condition after the accidents but it will also include the other characters.

Comments, suggestions and reviews are welcome and appreciated!

White light.

It's faint and a little bit far away but it's there.

Pure white light.

He doesn't need to be told where it leads to. He knows. He finds it appealing and beautiful, knowing that the moment he steps into it all the pain and hurt will go away. He'll be reunited with his one true love. The one he was supposed to spend the rest of his life with.

The one he was meant to be with.

He's overcome with joy and relief and he starts walking towards it.

But then he hears something loud. An aggressive hum of some sort. And a voice saying "They've come for us" He looks back at the light and it seems to be getting farther and farther away now. He tries to run faster but something's stopping him, like he's being held back. And just like that the white light disappears.

The first thing he feels is the pain in his chest and his ears fill with the load roar of the helicopter.

He hears Christina and Meredith yelling "We're here, we're here!" He opens his eyes and sees leaves flying everywhere and feels Arizona rubbing his head saying "They've come for us Mark. We're going to be okay"

He sees scattered pigments of light and three men in red jackets come out of the surrounding trees. One of them grabs his walkie talkie and says speaks furiously saying "We found them!" and gives them the coordinates to their location. The other man runs to them, Arizona and him, and the other runs by where Cristina, Meredith and Derek are.

"Okay give me a run down on what we have" he demands

"Okay, he had Cardiac Tamponade but Meredith did a Pericardial Senthesis so he's stable for now but he needs to get to the hospital ASAP and I'm not sure what's wrong with the pilot he was responsive a couple of hours ago but he eventually passed out. My leg is broken and I'm pretty sure I have an infection and signs of internal bleeding" Arizona replied quickly.

While Meredith's trying to help Derek stand up that's when Cristina pulls aside a rescuer "We were six doctors on that plane, only five left now. We had one casualty earlier; she's trapped under there by the broken piece of the wing" she points to where Lexie's body now lays lifeless. "Now make sure to get her whole body and I mean whole body back to Seattle" she demands.

Then more men come out of the trees rushing towards them and scattering all asking the same questions and getting the same answers. They lift Mark up first and lay him down on a stretcher seeing as he's in the most critical condition. "Sir, I need you to stay awake and responsive. Why don't you tell me your name" a paramedic asks. He just stares blankly into space. "Sir I need you to tell me your name" the paramedic demands again. He didn't say anything at all

Couldn't say anything at all.

It seems like an eternity when finally Arizona answers for him emphasizing the word 'doctor' for good measure.

"Okay Dr. Sloan we'll be getting you out of here, you just hang on tight" he encourages while strapping him up and checking for other wounds.

"Her body" Mark whispers weakly

"What?"

Mark grabs the paramedic's arm, so that his ear is close to his mouth, saying "Her body – bring her home – where she belongs" he lets go of his arm and continues staring back into space.

Another man overhears this and explains about the casualty and he looks back at Mark with a look of sympathy and gives him his word, assuring him that Lexie's body would be brought back to Seattle and that everything would be okay.

Okay. He hated that word. Mark knew that what the paramedic said was utterly false. He was wrong in so many levels. He would never be okay. He would never be fine. He would never anything. He was close to it thought. So close that he could feel it, taste it, see it. It was lost now. He lost it. He lost a lot of things today.

An oxygen mask is placed on his mouth and it brings him back from his thoughts. They're nearing the helicopter now and he knows that it's only a matter of time that they get back to the hospital.

He sees Cristina arguing with a paramedic saying that she's fine with walking and fusses over Meredith because she's passed out in the stretcher and mumbles something about severe internal bleeding; Derek who tries to get up and check on his wife but is unable to do so because he's being held back by the other paramedics. Beside Meredith he sees Jerry, the pilot, seizing. His eyes shift to Arizona who looks torn and in shock with both eyes and mouth open seeming as though she's about to go on another screaming fit or burst into tears.

See, he knew he would never be okay. All of them would never be okay. After going through that – even though alive would not be okay. Nothing would ever return back to normal. He knows it. They all know it. After this there would be nothing to call normal ever again.

After this there would be nothing to call okay ever again.

A/N: Okay so tell me is it good? Horrible? Okay? Should I keep going?

The next chapter is going to be about the state of the hospital and how they are when they find out that their plane crashed.

I'll update soon!

Please review and tell me what you think! Thanks for reading!


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Thanks to all who read and reviewed! I really appreciate it!

This chapter will focus on the people back at the hospital and how they take the news of the crash. Again thanks for reading and continue reviewing. It's a bit longer that I expected so please tell me what you think.

* * *

Callie hadn't really planned her surprise ahead of time but after talking to the residents, or new attendings for that matter, she was convinced to surprise her wife for over four years of pure love and affection. She just wanted to show her how much she loved her. She just had to. So she hired Quinn, a teenage girl who lives three doors down from them, to babysit Sofia so she could spend the night with her wife. She thought of it as their night and it had to be perfect.

She was sure that her plane had landed, she was sure that Arizona was supposed to walk through their bedroom door and pleasantly surprised by what, or specifically, who waited for her by the edge of their bed.

After an hour she behins to think of certain scenarios in her head like maybe their flight was delayed or the surgery took longer than expected and she was just running late. After a couple of minutes she begins calling Arizona's cellphone but got a busy line. She figured that she probably forgot to charge her phone again and it just ran out of battery.

She tries Mark's cell next but gets the same busy line. She made a mental note to scold both of them about charging their phones properly but not before giving Arizona a piece of her mind about running late on their supposedly special night. She was running down on her big speech for her wife when her phone started to buzz.

"Hello?"

"Callie?"

"Owen! I'm glad you called. You see Arizona's still not home and I was wondering when their flight left Boise and if—"

"Callie, you need to come to the hospital now. I can't tell you what's going on in the phone so hurry" he demanded

"What are you talking about what's wrong?"

"I'll explain everything at the hospital but right now I just need you to come right now" and he hung up.

It didn't take long for Callie to figure out that something was wrong. Being at Seattle Grace for almost ten years something was always wrong.

Then it suddenly hit her.

It didn't really occur to her during the day because she was busy with patients and the stupid unappreciative residents/attending.

Both Arizona and Mark never called after taking off. Which was weird because Mark always calls to check up on Sofia and Arizona would call to check on how things were going. They always called. Always.

She made a quick grab for her clothes and got dressed; stopped by Quinn's apartment explaining that she had to run off to the hospital for an emergency and promising to reimburse her for her extended hours.

As she was making her way to her car when she finally concluded that yes, something was definitely wrong.

* * *

Dr. Richard Webber was a patient man. Anyone who knew him well knew that he was a man of virtue, respect and patience. He was also a man of tradition. He has stuck by whatever tradition he has, it didn't matter if it was thought ill by some because in his eyes it just had to be done. It was _his _traditions after all. One of those well-known traditions was essential dinner for the incoming attending.

He would pre-order the duck and everything, there would be steak on the side and all the residents would sit side by side enjoying one of their last evenings together as they would be soon deciding whether or not to continue their practice in SGMW. He considered this evening to be a pivotal moment for the residents and it had to special.

It didn't take long for Owen to page all four of them a 911. As doctors it was their instinct to immediately stand-up from the table and grab their coats and bags. Richard, however, was disturbed by the fact that Owen had the nerve to page them at a special night such as this. He knew they weren't on call and he knew what a night like this meant to him.

"Dr. Webber?" April's voice called him out of his thoughts "Are you coming?"

"We're sorry to cut this evening short but…it's the Chief" Jackson apologized

"Yeah and Meredith and Cristina aren't even here an—" Alex commented but was cut off when April hit him on the arm. "We could reschedule" said April hopefully

He called a waiter over and apologized for the sudden cancellation and grabbed his coat and said "What are you all standing around for? It's a 911 isn't it? Duty calls!"

The three residents smiled at each other surprised by the doctor's sudden enthusiasm and understanding.

But Alex couldn't help but think that something was up. First Meredith and Cristina are late for a very important dinner and now they're all paged 911? Something was definitely wrong. It was Seattle Grace Mercy West after all.

* * *

Owen Hunt was a busy man. I'm sorry, _Chief_ Owen Hunt, was a _very_ busy man. With a hospital full of doctors and sick people with only him in charge he was sure to be a very busy man.

Today was different though. With almost half of the hospital's best doctors en route to Boise for a ground-breaking surgery leaving the hospital understaffed it was sure to be a _very_ busy day. He was on rounds the whole day double checking with almost every surgical patient they had. After firing his best friend so that she could take a prestigious job and his marriage on the rocks he was not only a very bust man but a tired and emotionally spent man.

So you would think that from a couple of months of being Chief would make him routine in checking his messages or at least make him hire a secretary but no. So that evening when he checks his seemingly unimportant messages what he hears nearly makes his heart stop.

He called the hospital where they were supposed to be and doubled check whether or not they landed. They didn't. He called the Idaho domestic and they confirmed that they really didn't land.

Their plane didn't land.

There was only one explanation for that. If it didn't land in Boise. It crashed.

_Cristina._

He contacted air traffic control and explained the urgency of the situation and they agreed to send in a search and rescue team to where they most likely crashed. There were no civilian reports made about the plane so they assumed it had to be somewhere remote like the forest just outside Seattle. He demanded that they do it quickly because it was his doctors lives on the line and he'll be damned if any of them die.

He'll be damned if Cristina dies.

He pages the all the residents to the third floor nurses station knowing that Richard will be furious because of interrupting their dinner but he knows that they all have to know how dire the situation is. He knows that they aren't just a group of doctors who work together at some seemingly unlucky hospital. They're a family who have stuck together even before he came to Seattle through more than their fair share of ridiculously traumatizing events over and over again and he'll be damned if another one of their own is taken from them again.

"What in God's name is wrong this time?" demanded a cranky Miranda Bailey, as she entered the lobby, who was upset after having her evening with Tuck and Ben ruined after getting a page from Hunt.

"Now, now Miranda I'm sure that Dr. Hunt here has a perfectly good explanation for interrupting the most pivotal evening of the resident's lives" sarcastically explains Richard after entering the lobby with Jackson, April and Alex in tow.

"I'm sure that even though I'm now fired from Seattle Grace there's also a perfectly good explanation why you paged Owen" Teddy says hotly.

"Fired?" almost all of them scream out.

"Okay, I need everyone to settle down now" Hunt says in an authoritative voice "The reason I called you all in here is becau—"

"Okay! I'm here! What happened?" Callie says who seems out of breath "Are they okay? What happened to the plane?"

"What? Something happened to the plane?" Jackson questioned.

There was a tense pause and they turned their heads to face Owen who looked like he was at a loss for words and he began to open his mouth when he was interrupted by none other than Alex Karev.

"They crashed, didn't they?" he stated blankly.

There was a eerie silence until April argued "Alex don't say that it's pro—"

"No!" he screamed "I've been at this damn hospital for eight years and there isn't a year that goes by that something screwed up doesn't happen to one of us. I know it, you all know it. So tell me Dr. Hunt did their plane crash or not" he said looking Owen straight in the eye.

"Their plane never landed at Boise. I've contacted air traffic control and they said that they probably crashed near a forest just outside Seattle"

"No!" Callie cried out "This isn't happening" Teddy goes over and pulls her into a hug as she continues to sob.

"They've sent search and rescue to look for them and they'll send word out to us as soon as possible when they've seen them"

"See, I knew it" Alex says "Damn this freakin' hospital!" he says as he roughly kicks some chairs down and knocks charts off the table and walks out. Jackson tries to stop him but gets pushed away by him so he just goes over to April who's crying now and also pull her into a hug.

"What do we do for the meantime, Dr. Hunt?" she asks

But Richard answers for him saying "For now, we wait"

* * *

It seems like an eternity until air traffic control calls saying that they've found them and informing him that they have six survivors and one fatality and that their ETA is 30 minutes tops. His heart skips a beat when they say fatality but he doesn't have time to worry about that right now so he delivers the same message to his anxiously waiting medical staff.

"Fatality?" Bailey questions "who?"

"Oh God! No!" Callie says and bursts into tears.

"I can't believe this is happening" Teddy sighs as she puts her head on her hands.

April continuous to sob in Jackson's arms while Alex explains nonchalantly "Relax, it's probably that dumbass pilot"

Richard broke silence between them saying "All of you need to calm down. I know that you all had people you love on that plane but you're going to be no help in your conditions. Now you all need to pull yourselves together and remember that you are doctors and no matter what comes through those double doors you will act like the doctors you are" all of them stood silent for a while until he continued

"Okay I need all trauma rooms clear. I need gurneys at the ambulance bay now. Make sure we have all portable chest x-rays on stand-by. All OR's should be clear and ready. Their ETA is 15 minutes. This is an all hands on deck situation people which means we need to move fast but thoroughly. These are one of our own we're talking about, nobody will be taken from us again" Owen says "Let's move people!"


	3. Chapter 3

A/N: Okay, wow! I am stunned by all your reviews! Thank you so so much!

Jime-GA-Lover: I'm sorry to tell you this but in this fic…..Lexie is definitely dead. I'm so sorry! I know that it sucks but that's the way it is but there will be good parts along the way that will give you comfort and closure about her death.

And I am only 16 years old and I have no knowledge of anything related to medicine and what I wrote down is a pure guess as to what medical procedures need to be done. So I apologize if it is totally not accurate to the medical world. SORRY!

* * *

"_Relax, it's probably that dumbass pilot" Alex explained nonchalantly_

Secretly they were all thinking—no, hoping for that statement to be true. They knew it was wrong. They knew how despicable and awful that thought was but they couldn't risk it. They couldn't risk losing one of their own again. They've been through enough. So during those fifteen minutes they could only wish for the best. And the best for them was they would rather have the pilot die than one of their best friends.

At a regular day this would seem normal to them waiting for ambulances to arrive, most probably due to a highway accident or an apartment fire, containing people they had never met. People they had no connection whatsoever to. It was just standing there for a couple of minutes. But today was different because for all of them, those were the longest fifteen minutes of their lives.

Then those fifteen minutes turned into ten and ten turned into five and then they could hear the sirens.

When the first ambulance arrived Owen hurriedly opened the door. "Dr. Mark Sloan, 36-year-old male" the paramedic dictated whilst getting Mark's gurney out of the ambulance.

"Oh my God, Mark!" Callie screamed and ran to him

The paramedic continued "With Cardiac Tamponade but treated with a Pericardial Senthesis on the field. It was a temporary fix but it seemed to hold on long enough"

"Teddy! Trauma room one" Hunt ordered

"Okay, Avery you're with me" she replied

As Callie proceeded to follow them in she was stopped by Teddy who said "Callie, look you better go back out there. We got this" she assured and she let go of the gurney.

* * *

The second ambulance arrived with Derek who was surprisingly conscious and alert. "Derek Shepherd, age 37" the paramedic began

"Meredith, where's Meredith?" Derek said, trying to get up from the gurney but was held on his back by Owen and Richard

"He has a mutilated arm and circulation was cut off for a while but it was restored on the field and the wound is being held together by a safety pin. I also suspect a grade three concussion and mild fractures" the paramedic finished.

"Meredith, Where is Meredith?" he looked around slightly disoriented "Is she here?"

"Okay, I got this" Owen called out.

"I'm with you on this Hunt" Richard chimed in grabbing a hold of Derek's gurney.

"Shepherd you're okay now. We'r—" Owen held him on his back again.

"No, Meredith! She wouldn't wake up, she has to wake up. Where is she?" he continued to cry for Meredith until they rolled him into the trauma room.

* * *

"Oh God" April began as tears started to well up in her eyes "Don't tell me that it's Meridi—"

"No, okay!" Alex shot back "Will everybody please stop thinking about that. It's not Meredith. It's not even one of our own. I already told you, it's that good for nothing pilot whose fault this is in the first place!"

* * *

"Arizona Robbins, age 35. Has a fracture on her left leg and resulted into and infection and she has some signs of internal bleeding" the paramedic explained.

"Arizona! Oh my God, what happened to you?" Callie cried out immediately and took a protective hold of her gurney and inspecting her leg.

"Callie, thank God! The plane crashed, it actually crashed" she said holding onto Callie's hand who saw tears in her eyes.

"I know. It's okay, you're safe now" she reassured

"I'm with you Dr. Torres" Alex said taking a hold of her gurney.

"Okay let's move!"

* * *

As the fourth ambulance rolled in, to their relief Cristina came barrelling out holding the gurney of one unconscious but alive Meredith Grey.

"Meredith Grey age—"

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. They know who she is" she remarked.

"Cristina!" Bailey cried as she helped her with the gurney.

"She—she has severe internal bleeding, and infection on her right leg, she—needs a tetanus shot for her leg cause it got punctured by shrapnel and she just took it out"

"Okay, I got her. Kepner you stay here and wait for the remaining ambulances and get her a bed" Bailey ordered as she rolled Meredith into a trauma room and started working on her.

April held on to Cristina to help her walk "Kepner, stop it I'm fine" she swatted April's hand away.

"No you're not" Owen suddenly interrupted and escorted Cristina to a nearby bed with April's help. "Now lie down and stay here"

"C'mon Owen I'm fine. You need all the he—"

"Cristina you have a dislocated shoulder, cuts and bruises all over your body and a mild concussion. You are anything but fine. As of right now you are a patient at Seattle Grace Mercy West and you will lie down on this bed even if I have to sit on you" April threatened.

Cristina gaped up at her and sat shocked and silently agreed and Owen stared at her now completely regretting the decision of firing her.

"Dr. Mostow." She called "Now I am going out there to wait for the next ambulance and Dr. Mostow here will get you up to CT and treat you as he sees fit. Do you understand?"

"C'mon Kepner you gotta be kidding me! Two? He doesn't even know how to d—"

"I said so you understand?" she raised her voice.

Cristina said let out a sigh and let her head rest against the pillow.

"I'll be right back" Owen rubbed Cristina's forehead and went with April to await the remaining ambulances.

"Okay I guess we'll be heading down to CT an—"

Cristina grabbed Steve by the collar tightly and said "Now you listen to me Mostow, you do exactly as I say or else I will kill you and sell your body parts for money" Steve nodded as she continued "Okay now, I need you to check on Meredith and tell me how she's doing and everyone else but check on Meredith first" Steve nodded and stared at Cristina "What are you waiting for? Go!" she ordered.

Steve started to walk away "Wait!" Cristina called out "Get me 2 cheeseburgers, large fries and a coke first"

* * *

While Owen and April were waiting there was an awkward silence between them considering that the last time they spoke to each other he was firing her.

The next ambulance arrived and the paramedic opened the door "Jerry Ross age 36. Has been seizing on and off for the past hour. He seems to be paralyzed from the neck down, probably a spinal cord injury and he was unconscious when we got to the scene of the accident" they rolled him into the trauma room.

"1, 2, 3" Owen counted as they lifted him from the gurney and into the bed "Kepner, call nuero and tell them we need one of the attendings down here ASAP" then they heard an ominous beep sound.

"Woah, he's coding. Push one of epi and charge to 200" he grabbed the padels "Clear" the long beeping sound still continued.

"Charge to 200 again" he ordered "Clear" still no activity on the monitor.

"Charge to 300" he again ordered "Clear" then there was a response. A steady heart beat.

"He's back" he let out a heavy sigh and looked at April who smiled slightly "Get him to CT and page that nuero consult"

"Okay Dr. Hunt" she walked to the trauma room telephone and pressed 5 for nuero then suddenly something hit her and caused her to drop the telephone and let fall nearly to the ground but was saved by the cord attached to it.

"What the hell, Kepner?" Owen argued as he approached the phone and decided to page it himself.

"One, D— Dr. Sloan" she began counting "Two, Derek—Derek Shepherd. Three, Dr. Robbins. Four and five were Cristina and Meredith. And six—" she trailed off staring at Owen "you said six survivors and one fatality" she raised her voice "W—whe—" she sucked in a breath

"Where's Lexie?" she asked as tears began to flow down her face as she covered her mouth.

Just then Jackson opened the door to update them on the condition of their other friends "Sloan's down in recovery, his surgery went by smoothly. He's going to be okay. Arizona took a bit of nasty fracture and infection but it's fixable, Torres is scary when she's worried by the way. They were able to save Shepherd's arm and he'll be back operating in no time, but you already know that since you did it" he smiled at Owen who just looked at him but he continued. "Mer's internal bleeding gave Bailey and Dr. Webber a scare but she's gonna be okay. And Cristina's, well Cristina. Found her sitting on one of the bed's out there eating a cheeseburger and giving me these weird look. I was gonna talk to her but her mangling up a cheeseburger made me think twice" he finished happily because he knew that his all of his friends were going to recover nicely. Then he noticed April's face.

"April what's wrong?" he approached her "They're going to be fine. Everyone's going to be fine"

"Avery there's somethi—" Owen began

"No!" she screamed refusing Avery's hug "H—he's number six" she pointed to the pilot "Sloan's number one. Shepherd's number two, Robbins is three and Mer and Cristina are four and five" she looked at him directly in the eye "he's number six, Jackson. Number six" she wailed "Where's Lexie?" Jackson who immediately understood the situation just stared at her.

"Lexie's dead" they all turned their heads to see Cristina Yang "A major Hemothorax is what killed her" she explained tonelessly "there was nothing more we could do"

April continued to wail loudly as she collapsed on the floor burying her face in her hands. Jackson ran out of the room and into an on call room where he punched the wall and ran his hands through his hair and sat on one of the beds staring into space, trying to stop the tears that threatened to spill. Owen looked at Cristina who looked like she was about to break down any second so he took her hand and pulled her into a hug as she cried on his shoulder repeating the same words over and over again "_there was nothing more we could do"_


	4. Chapter 4

_A/N: I'm sorry it took so long for me to update! We went on a fast vacation and I'm starting to pack up my stuff because I'm moving off to college in a couple of weeks so thing have been pretty busy. And my internet connection's been pretty bad so I apologize for the delay!_

_Okay and again I am so sorry if this is medically inaccurate I just added good stuff for the drama. :D This chapter deals with how the rest of the SGMW staff deal with Lexie's passing._

_Okay so thank you for all your wonderful reviews! They mean so much to me. Thank you all so much!_

_Anna: Thank you for the correction about the safety pin!_

_crayolakid0413: Thank you for your kind words. I really appreciate it!_

_And to all thank you for reading! Thank you!_

* * *

Derek Shepherd never liked the feeling of being admitted into a hospital. That's why he always took care if his health even to the point of being dubbed the health nut of Seattle Grace by George O'Malley. With his Muesli every morning, which Meredith thinks is weird, to his salads during breaks. He didn't care if people thought of it as unusual because for him health is one of the most important things that a person holds. After all he was a doctor not a patient.

So imagine his disdain when he woke up that morning being greeted by the beeping of certain machines and a throbbing headache. He tried to recall what exactly had happened to land him in the hospital that is until he felt the cast on his arm and remembered the plane crashing, Meredith screaming, finding out that Lexie was dead, the gruelling McGuiver-esque surgery in the middle of nowhere and the rescue.

Then he remembered Meredith collapsing on the ground, him trying to shake her awake, paramedics pulling him aside and Cristina mumbling something about internal bleeding. It happened so fast that he couldn't do anything. They were rushed to separate ambulances and that was the last thing he remembered.

_Meredith_

She couldn't be dead. No.

He let out a groan of disgust as he sat up on the bed to call on a nurse and saw Callie pass by.

"Hey, you're awake" she greeted entering his room.

"Where's Meredith?

"I just passed Bailey on the way here; she and Richard just finished her surgery. They said she's going to be fine" she smiled.

"I gotta see her. I have to make sure she's alright" he moved to the side of the bed trying to get up.

"Hey. Wait" Callie protested as she made her way to Derek's bed.

"Shepherd you better just lie down and stay down" Richard's voice called out as he entered the room. "She gave us quite a scare a while ago, she lost a lot of blood but we were able to stop the bleeding and she's going to be fine"

Derek let out a sigh of relief and laid back on his bed and started to stare at his left arm. "What's going to happen to my a—"

"Dr. Hunt was able to repair the damage to the nerves and restore blood flow. Dr. Kent will be going in tomorrow to fix the tissue damage and give you a new skin graft. You'll have to attend mandatory rehab to fully restore your arm function and be cleared for surgery. But I perceive a full recovery" he smiled "You're a lucky man Shepherd"

Derek didn't reply. He just stared out the window like he was waiting for something to happen. "I still have to see her; I have to make sure she's alright" he made a motion to sit up.

"Derek you are no use to her in that condition" Richard sat on the side of his bed and looked at him "She's sleeping and resting. We just moved her to the room next door. You can see her in a couple of hours" but he still looked unconvinced.

"Hey, uhm why don't I bring Zola in?" Callie suggested "I saw her at daycare when I dropped Sophia off"

Derek looked up at her brightly at the mention of Zola's name and nodded as Callie walked out of the room to fetch Zola. There was an eerie silence among the two men for awhile.

"Lexie's dead" Derek muttered.

Richard closed his eyes for a moment and swallowed whispering "Damn"

"Why does this keep happening, Richard?" Derek looked up "When I finally think that we can be happy, me and Meredith, life just he trailed off shaking his head.

"Life just has other plans for you" Richard continued.

"And Mark he'll Derek closed his eyes for a second "he'll never be able to cope with this. He just won't. I don't think he'll be able to come back from this. I don't think any of us will be able to come back from this" he sighed.

"Life's a bitch" Richard shook his head and patted Derek's shoulder just as Callie entered the room with Zola.

"Hey there baby girl" Derek cooed.

"Dada!" she cried out as she extended her arms toward Derek.

"Here you go" Callie put down Zola on his left side seeing as his right arm was in a cast. Zola proceeded to grab his hand and play with it laughing as Derek played along.

"How's Arizona doing?" he asked.

"She had a PE infection and a fracture but I fixed it up nicely. She'll have to go on rehab for her leg but she's going to be fine" she smiled.

"That's good. I'm happy for you" he replied.

"Uhm I'm gonna go and check on Mark" she made a gesture towards the door "Bye Zola" she waved and turned around "Oh yeah and Shepherd" she looked back "I'm glad you're okay"

"Thanks" he smiled.

* * *

_There was nothing more we could do_

As a doctor April hated that phrase. That was one phrase that she could never utter, ever, in her entire life. To tell a person that they lost a person they loved was not only heart-wrenching but it broke a little part of you inside.

But as a doctor death should be normal to her. It should come as natural and ordinary to her. But it didn't. It is true that she saw people die everyday but death still came as a shock to her.

After the shooting a part of her died inside; when she saw Reed, her best friend, lying on a pool of her blood with a gunshot to her head, dead. But she moved on. Slowly. But she moved on. But after today, finding out that Lexie was dead. She didn't know if she could move on ever again.

As she sat on the floor crying her eyes out and heard Cristina say that phrase over and over again. The events during the shooting just came rushing back to her and she just couldn't move. She knew that she had to get Jerry up to CT but she just couldn't.

She was pulled out of her thoughts when a nurse entered the room and informed Dr. Hunt that the last ambulance was about to arrive with the fatality and they just needed someone to call time of death.

Cristina just sobbed harder into his chest and he replied that he would be there in a moment. April asked the nurse to page Alex and let him takeover Jerry's case and said that she would be there to help Dr. Hunt call time of death. She led Cristina to a bed and almost immediately she passed out, exhausted. She went over to the ambulance bay and silently waited with Dr. Hunt.

As the doors to the ambulance opened she braced herself for what she was about to see. A pale lifeless Lexie Grey. She bit back a sob as the paramedic explained what had happened and how she died.

"I'm sorry. I know that she was one of your own" she apologized as Owen just nodded and they rolled her into the trauma room. They attached the heart monitor to her as hospital policy to make sure that the patient was actually dead. It didn't take a medical license to know that she had been dead for hours.

As he heard the continuous beep sound Owen knew that it was time to call it. But he was startled as April said staring at Lexie's face "time of death, 8:52" she bowed her head holding Lexie's hand.

"I grew up on a farm" she said quietly "I slaughtered a pig once so I'm used to blood. I'm also a doctor so I should get used to death" she looked up at Owen who saw tears in her eyes "But this—this is just too much" she gestured her body "I lost my best friend two years ago and now—now I lost another one"

He looked down at Lexie's face and covered it with a blanket. He went over to April and slowly unclasped her hand from Lexie's and pulled into a hug. He didn't know Lexie that well but he knew what it was like to lose a friend in that manner.

And it felt like hell.

* * *

Dr. Bailey had just finished checking over Meredith's status and she passed by Derek's room to see him sleeping with little Zola lying down beside him playing with a stuffed lion. She decided to go down to the pit to see how things were going when she saw a sight to behold.

Cristina was lying down on a trauma bed all stitched up and a cast on her arm but otherwise looking fine but she was just staring at the ceiling with a blank expression. Next to her was April sobbing into her hands and Jackson comforting her and who by the looks of it was about to break down at any moment.

"What in God's name is going on here?"she asked not unkindly but with a demanding tone.

"Lexie's dead" Jackson looked up at her with red swollen eyes.

Bailey bit her lip and suppressed the urge to cry right in the middle of the ER. So she just closed her eyes for a moment and sat down and put her head in her hands. _"Damnit"_ she thought to herself _"Not again. Why does this keep happening?"_ and she looked up at the ceiling praying and hoping that somebody would answer her.

Although they were wasting valuable hospital time just sitting there and crying she figured that after all that happened them for the past years. They needed a break.

They needed time to mourn for the loss of one of their own.

* * *

Alex Karev was tired and overworked. He just wanted to lie down on a bed and wake up two weeks later. After operating on Arizona with a more than worried and anxious Callie anybody would be tired. So when he finally got to an on-call room and went to lie down and close his eyes he got a few minutes of peace when suddenly his pager went off directing him to CT for a spinal trauma patient.

It was a seemingly big case and he would be considered as an idiot for backing out on it just because he felt tired. So he rushed to CT and waited on the scans. Angela, the lab technician, filled him in on the case.

"Why did you page me? You've got every other resident on this case" he asked sitting down in front of the monitors.

"Dr. Kepner asked me to. She said that she didn't really feel up to the job" she replied "scans coming up now"

"Huh, looks like an Anterior cord syndrome. Page Hunt and Dr. Barkman the other nuero guy" he ordered the nurse "So, how did he end up with his spine crushed? Car crash?" he asked.

"He was the pilot in the plane crash"

Alex felt his heart skip a beat "What?" he demanded grabbing onto her arms.

The nurse taken aback by his action stammered "The pilot—where Dr. Robbins, Shepherd and the other residents were at. He—he was the pilot" at that sentence Alex let go of the nurse and began running to the ER.

He opened the double doors and saw April with red swollen eyes staring into space, Cristina now devouring a bag of potato chips and Bailey with red eyes organizing charts.

"What the hell happened?" he yelled "who's dead?" tears were starting to form in his eyes.

"Oh Alex" Bailey looked at him sympathetically pursing her lip. April just sat there seemingly lost for words and Cristina just stared at him mournfully.

"Answer me Bailey. Who—who the hell died?"

Bailey looked up at him and briefly closed her eyes and looked up to the ceiling. Then he looked at him and finally said "It's Lexie, Alex. It's Lexie"

At the mention of her name he nodded blankly, put his one arm on his hips and his other on his mouth trying to bite back a sob but instead just broke down in tears. So Bailey gave him a look of concern and pulled him into a hug "I'm sorry Alex. I'm so sorry" she said as he continued to sob.

* * *

"Mmmm" Meredith moaned as she opened her eyes and squinted through the sunlight that flooded her room.

She looked around the room and was surprised to see Jackson on the chair next to her bed "Hey you're awake" he smiled "Derek's fine they repaired the his arm, he'll have to go to rehab but he'll gain full function of it soon enough. Cristina's currently downstairs eating whatever she can get her hands on. Arizona's leg is gonna heal perfectly and we were able to get into Sloan's cardiac rupture in time. I was even the one

"You know" she interrupted and looked at him "you know about Lexie"

He sighed deeply "Uh, yeah—yeah I do know. I'm sorry Meredith

She gave him a little smile "Thank you, Jackson. That means a lot"

"Uh, do you want me to get Zola? She's in Derek's room, it's next to yours. I can tell him that your awake" he offered.

"Uh, yeah Jackson that would be great, thanks" she nodded.

As he was about to leave her room she called "Hey, Jackson"

"Yeah?" he turned back.

"I'm sorry too. I know that you loved her and—and she loved you too" she let out a sigh "I mean it"

He looked down at his shoes and turned back to Meredith who saw tears forming in his eyes "Thanks" he nodded and walked out of her room.

She stared to where Jackson was standing a second ago and started playing with her fingers as she held back her own tears. But she knew she had to be strong. But not for herself because she would have loved nothing more than to curl up into a ball and eat cheese puffs all day and cry in front of the TV. But she had to be strong for Zola and Derek; and Cristina, and probably for Jackson and April too. She also has to count in Alex.

She was used to being the strong one. She always said that she kept calm during a crisis because of her unstable childhood. Yes, there was an empty space in her that was left out by both her Mother and Father. When she first met Lexie she knew that her filling up that space was going to be a long shot but it turned out that it wasn't. She learned to love her funny, kooky sister after awhile. Slowly that empty space began to fill up with her and Zola entering her life. She was finally happy.

But then a curve ball was thrown her way and suddenly a part in her shattered. After those hours of crying in the forest she felt completely numb. She knew that it wasn't her fault, that there was nothing more she could have done to prevent her death but she still couldn't accept the fact that life had taken so much from her and now it was taking one more piece of her. The space in her heart became empty once again and she wasn't sure if it was ever going to be filled again.

But then again she had to be the strong one. She knew that she had to keep her guard up and be tough just like she used to be. She had to keep it together. After all she had people that needed her to be strong.

* * *

_Crap_

That's how Mark felt when he woke up that morning. It was like he was hit by a bus. He had a crazy migraine and it was a struggle to move. He looked around and recognized the place to be Seattle Grace. Then it all came back to him.

"Hey you're awake" Callie exclaimed sleepily as she sat up from the chair next to his bed and held his hand.

Just then Teddy entered the room "Welcome back, Dr. Sloan" she smiled and grabbed his chart.

"Hey you're going to be just fine Teddy fixed the rip on your heart nicely so you're going to be just fine" she assured.

"Well, Dr. Avery repaired the rip in your arterial wall nicely. You taught him well Sloan" Teddy praised, standing on the foot of his bed "but we still have to monitor you very closely but I presume you'll be back on your feet in no time"

"Lexie" he whispered.

"Oh, I haven't heard any news about Lexie but I can go check if you want" Callie offered and stood up.

"She's dead" he said tonelessly.

Teddy raised her eyebrows "I'm sorry, what?"

"She's dead" he repeated "When the plane crashed she was pinned down by the piece of the wing. It was a major hemothorax" he explained looking out the window.

"Oh, Mark" Callie sat back down and held his hand "I'm so sorry"

"It doesn't matter now" he sighed "she didn't know that I loved her. She didn't know what she meant to me. And now—now it doesn't matter cause she will never know

"Mark Teddy prompted.

"No" he yelled as he retracted his arm form Callie "just—just get out. Just leave" he ordered "please just leave me alone" and he continued staring out the window.

As she and Teddy proceeded to get out of his room Callie looked back and said "If you need anything Mark. I'll always be here" and she closed the door leaving Mark to stare back at the window and silently cry.

* * *

_A/N: Okay so this chapter was longer than expected but I'm pretty glad how it turned out. Thanks for reading! And don't forget to review and give your comments and suggestions!_


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